Why gay marriage matters

You can read elsewhere about the history of marriage, its meaning in society, and certainly much hand-wringing about "tradition." I'm going to tell you about how it would make my life easier.

Roger and I are, in every sense but legal, already married. We've lived together for over 6 years, bought a house together in 2001, had a commitment ceremony in 2003, eat dinner together, sleep in the same bed, bicker over folding laundry, all that. I've witnessed plenty of straight married couples and it's the same concerns, same joys, same frustrations.

Without spilling all his guts for him, Roger has had some hard luck the last few years. He was laid off from a job after 10 years, and soon thereafter, while trying to start his own business, developed several serious health problems. After 18 months his COBRA health insurance ran out, so, no job, lots of health problems, his only health insurance option becomes the Texas "high risk" health pool, which naturally features sky-high premiums and deductibles, and minimal coverage. Someone who was in the hospital 3 times within a couple months can now go in for an office visit to his doctor 2 times a year, before tapping into the deductible. He's been going through the process to get disability approval from Social Security for close to a year, and it may be close to another year before anything is finalized (but that's a whole different hair-pulling nightmare). This is becoming the classic American sob story, I know, but sometimes they're true.

But hey, I have a job, I have health insurance! Maybe I could add Roger to my coverage as a spouse? Lots of companies are doing it, as all philosophical reasons aside, it's simply a smart business practice in a competitive world (funny, no one seems to mind gay people working and making money for them). Ah, but I work for the University of Texas, also known as the state of Texas, and since we cannot be legally married in the state, no other benefits can be given either. Sorry, but we must think of the children, after all.

Now I'm the first to agree that the health care and insurance system in the US is seriously effed up and I'd love to see some broad-sweeping changes happen. But during the few decades that may take, I'd like some other options. Gay people didn't create the system of tying health coverage to employment and marriage (at least I hope not. If so, honey, what were you thinking?), but that's the system we have to live with.

Obviously there's more to marriage than these day-to-day economic concerns (long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire, etc.), but it also makes no sense to pretend they mean nothing. And honestly, as far as "the state" is concerned, what is the fundamental difference between Roger and I, and a childless man and woman? Unacceptable testosterone : estrogen ratio? Yet no one would deny that man's spouse any of the benefits of marriage.

And while we don't have any children, plenty of gay couples out there do, and all the bad laws anyone can pass still won't erase them.

So, as we probably all know, this issue boils down to the fact that gay people make some folks uncomfortable. Whether the reason is personal, religious, traditional, societal or random doesn't change that. And you know what, if you're uncomfortable with me and Roger together, fine, I won't mind if you neglect to invite us for iced tea and charades. But don't pass laws that make us second-class citizens. Honestly, that's just rude.

(And I leave out the "moral" question because I've never really gotten it - so it's "right" to touch this body part with that body part, but "wrong" to touch it with this other one? Sorry, but that's some other kind of conditioning talking.)

My overall experience has been that many people become more accepting of gays once they meet and get to know some. So can we all just pretend that everyone already knows some and act accordingly? Because chances are you already do.

For more see http://www.nononsenseinnovember.com/ - thanks